hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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