She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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