he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
