drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
