You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
