I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
