Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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