Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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