I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just sucked dick on a ferry
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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