none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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