Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Randomize
