Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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