My sheets look like a crime scene.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
