I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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