we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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