I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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