I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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