you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
