He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
