maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
