I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
