Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
