dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
