he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize