Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
