yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
