i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
