so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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