listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
