i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
