The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
