I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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