The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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