this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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