So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
