he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
false alarm. still invincible.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
my shit smells like andre
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
