We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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