last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
