Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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