Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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