New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
