so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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