so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
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what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
What a dumb baby whore.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
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Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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