this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
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GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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