her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
