He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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