i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
