lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
When are your genitals available?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
