your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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