You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
