The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize