I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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