Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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