dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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