I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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