After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
