you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
