He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
