apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
