Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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