Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
