Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize