WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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